Someone gently reminded me yesterday (and it hit me hard, as any good aha moment does) to stop being small, that I matter! She reminded me to take up space! I was speechless for a moment, unsure how to respond and then I cried all the way home! (always a sign that I’ve hit a bullseye!)
Now, for those of you that know me, you might seem surprised that someone had to tell me that. However, as a born and bred co-dependent, unless I’m on stage, I tend to keep my mouth shut, downplay my compliments, apologize for my opinions, and take a very large backseat to most all drama and conflict.
I know my peeps are out there. Those of us that say, “I’m fine” or “it’s ok” when it’s not.. or “I’m sorry” when we’ve done absolutely nothing to apologize for. I used to leave voice messages beginning with “It’s just me…” or return a compliment with “this old thing?” until a dear friend pointed it out to me, and told me in no few words to “knock it off”. I had honestly not even realized I was doing it.
The truth is, she was absolutely right, those of us who are taught to be small, quite, agreeable, can find it very difficult to overcome that. Especially if you live out this life lesson with anyone who operates in a large ego and you experience firsthand the bad taste that leaves in your mouth. We’ve all known someone who is too big for their own good or put nerve wracking importance, not on what’s inside but solely on appearance or fleeting material things. We often think, that’s the LAST thing you want to be.
So we stay small, hide our secrets, our objections and minimize minimize minimize.
I sat with this last night, after my gentle, not so gentle reminder and thought about every apology, every compliment I threw away and decided enough was enough. There’s a beautiful Nelson Mandela quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
God made us amazing, he gave us all huge hearts and unique talents and passionate opinions for a REASON! So live it up already!
Even if you start small, you can grow from there. Don’t apologize today, EVEN if you should. Don’t minimize your talents or your passions! If someone compliments you, shut your mouth, smile and accept it with only a sincere, “Thank You”!
Live big, take up f&#king space, because you MATTER!!
