What if all this time, I’m not the princess who needs saving but the warrior who just needs a place to rest in between battles?
That old narrative has time and again broken my heart.
My eyeline of looking up to hero’s went something like this. First it was Daddy Warbucks, that father figure who steps in and see’s the light in that little girl, sings and even DANCES with her into their happily ever after. Then as I became obsessed with animated hero’s in Disney films, it was Jonathan, from The Secret of Nimh, and that handsome fox Robin Hood, who both wield swords and single handedly battle off oppressive villains to keep their ladies safe. Then, all my fantasies were answered, problems forever solved when I first saw Christopher Reeve on the big screen defend his dear mama and correctly guess the color of Lois Lane’s underwear.
From there, every stage of my life, from Jordan Catalano and Dylan to Mr. Christian Grey and Jamie Frasier, I have always looked up to a man to make it all better. And yes, I put this same pressure and fantasy thinking on any real life man who happened to be in my life at the moment. The problem is even the greatest of men are flawed, human. So you can follow the trail all the way to my most recent ex-husband, who was indeed a great man but who, ultimately just broke my heart because, among many other reasons, he couldn’t be the one to rescue me. I had to rescue me. Enter the warrior.
I’ve learned the valuable asset of self care and self reliance. And that’s not to say I don’t have the unbelievable support of my tribe and sober sisters and brothers, however, I also stand on my own two feet during unbearable times. At my dad’s funeral, my mom’s funeral, a complicated tax filing, serving divorce papers and all the many other horrible battles we as damsels in distress get to prove our worthiness over.
Yes, I want a strong man to rest with, in between battles, but now I look for a man, not to save me, but to match me. Huzzah, ladies. Viking On!
